It Wasn’t Curiosity That Killed the Cat… It Was Me

Hello, my name is Breezy and I’m an ESTJ.

For those of you that are new to the group, yes, Breezy is my real name. You’d think by now I’d stop getting asked, but you I don’t. Out of all the weird/different/strange names out there, it is my name that still makes adults in a classroom turn around to see who that name belongs to. No, I’m not joking. It really happens.

A weird thing happened while I was creating this blog. I single handedly killed my creativity.

See, that’s where the ESTJ comes in. If you’ve ever taken a Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test you understand that ESTJ stands for “Extrovert, Sensing, Thinking, and Judging.”

If you’ve never taken the test, you may think that ESTJ stands for Everybody Sings Together Joyously.

No?

How about Everyone Stands Together Judging?

Man, that feels true nowadays, doesn’t it?

Anyway, technically, because I’m an ESTJ it means I like to organize projects, operations, procedures, and people. I also fall in the “GSD” category (“Get Shit Done”). Essentially, I’m a doer.

What am I not?

A brainstormer.

A creative thinker.

A person that likes to play pretend (more on that one later)

So, how did I single handedly kill my creativity? By letting my ESTJ nature run wild and free.

I tried to create a schedule of topics instead of relying on inspiration.

When inspiration did hit, I tried to organize it and categorize it.

Eventually, I had seconded guessed myself enough to where I got to a point where I just stared at my computer in fear.

What do I write?

Do my words matter?

Am I making myself irrelevant because I purposely avoid commenting on current events? (Note: I avoid talking about current events because honestly, who needs another person running their mouth about how shitty politics are right now, or about the fact that football players are protesting the national anthem?)

I did what I try not to do: I got caught up in my own head.

When I was younger, I hated to play pretend. My sisters would play pretend for hours and I absolutely couldn’t see the point. Instead of playing pretend, I practiced my handwriting.

Yep, you read that right: instead of playing with dolls, or pretending to be the presidents of the NKOTB fan club, I practiced my handwriting.

Any guesses on how serious of a child I was?

Anyway, I always knew I was a tad strange because most kids seemed to love playing pretend. For me, there just wasn’t much value in it. I was graded in school on my handwriting; I was not graded for being able to pretend that I was a princess and all my dolls were my bitches.

It wasn’t until I was “diagnosed” as an ESTJ that I realized avoiding pretend like the plague was normal.

And it wasn’t until I started this blog that I finally found the value in playing pretend.

Playing pretend allows the active member an opportunity to suspend reality for a while; to find an escape in the everyday blandness of life.

(Did I really just use the term “active member?” See, I can’t even pretend to be a person that can actually play pretend!)

On this blog, I am not pretending to be anything, but what I am doing is attempting to tap into a small cache of creativity I have buried down deep.

I spend 10+ hours a day being analytical and theoretically putting out fires. Even an ESTJ needs a break from that noise.

So, moving forward I am going to suspend my desire to organize anything.

I will grab inspiration by the balls and see where it takes me.

I warn you, though: it could get weird. Then kind of serious. And then probably weird again.

Well, weird, funny, and awkward. That’s the best kind of combo, thought, right?

 

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